i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize