we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
