its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
