My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
