I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
