it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
