I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
