Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize