i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
