I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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