She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
