We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
