Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
