i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
