If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
