You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
