I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
