And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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