If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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