so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think i have two assholes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Too much gin, very little bucket
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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