I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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