Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
