a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
ttyl tear gas
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize