They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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