I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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