Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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