kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
