Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize