pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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