You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
