i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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