idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
