What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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