pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
