my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
