I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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