Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just puked most of my soul out..
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