Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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