shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
