I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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