I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Randomize
