this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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