new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
