the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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