Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
