Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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