I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
