Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
