I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
