Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize