still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
