His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
