when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
