I'm lost and stupid without you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
