Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
