Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
