we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
