I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize