Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
