sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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