piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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