Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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