Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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