That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's blow job season.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
