3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
