I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
