when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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