she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
