at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dick very happy bro
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
