dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
