If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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