Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I will be naked everywhere
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
