just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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