a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
