everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
