Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
