I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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