You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
