Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need to sanitize my soul.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
