i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
