is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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