The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
