I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
