U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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