Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
