Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
