the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i dont even know how to be here
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
